[Folkmore IC Inbox][un: forestwatcher]

[forestwatcher]

forestwatcher

You've reached Tighnari. I'm not able to answer right now, so just leave a message and I'll get back to you when I can.

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forward dated nightmare thread.. u know

[cashewlater]

[ settling into this place has been.. interesting. and far less easy than one might expect.

on the outside, it's quite simple. tighnari tells him what he needs to know about surviving here, how to earn currency (not ideal, for him, but doable), how to acquire food, he even supplies a roof over his head. things couldn't be going more smoothly, for cyno. and yet..

he can't get comfortable. it feels like stepping into ill-fitting clothes that cling in all the wrong places. cyno finds himself treading water, unable to find his footing, his entire life's purpose pulled out from under his feet like a rug. he simply does not know what to do with himself here, he does not know who he is when he is not the general mahamatra. it's frustrating, and while cyno does not complain aloud, he's sure that tighnari has noticed his nervous energy, his distraction, his brooding. cyno has been a matra for so long that he has forgotten how to simply be cyno, if he ever really knew to begin with. his training began so young.

nevertheless, his sleep is fitful. he'd had a scant few days at home to grow used to dreaming before arriving here, and he has not taken terribly well to that, either. cyno's dreams are disjointed, confusing, occasionally unpleasant, but tonight -

tonight his dreams reek of blood and gore and ichor. angry, vengeful voices hiss in his ear. bloody hands tear at him, pulling at his arms, his legs, yanking, ripping, tugging, threatening to pull him apart. he recognizes the voices, each and every one, for cyno has never forgotten the people that he has passed judgment upon, never forgotten a single face, never forgotten their voices as they cursed him. they're angry, they're furious, aching for revenge. there's only blackness around him, a yawning abyss beneath him, but he can feel the moisture on the soles of his feet, thick and clinging, drying, gelatinous blood, its scent clinging to him. cyno looks down, and his hands are slick with it, with old blood, brownish black and sticky. his skin cracks, oozes, falling away until he can see the pink-white of his bones.

they won't stop screaming.

or is that his own voice in his ears, ringing in his head? is he shouting?

cyno wakes with a start, his body slick with sweat, sticking his hair to his face and neck. his heart pounds like a fist against his ribs, and reflexively, he looks to his hands. ]

[forestwatcher]

[Tighnari has had time to grow used to being here and though he still wouldn't say he's entirely settled his personality and interests have translated fairly well into this new environment. Cyno, on the other hand...

From the moment he arrived Tighnari knew he would have difficulty settling in. He had given the other man as much information as he could, provided him with somewhere to rest his head should he wish it (being quite glad when he took him up on that offer, of course) and between the two of them they have been managing well enough for basic comforts. Their needs are simple, after all.

But more than that, the forest watcher has grown used to dreaming. His arrival in Folkmore to begin with had heralded the onset of them and as the weeks have passed he has found them less startling. Mostly, they're peaceful things, if sometimes disjointed and confusing. He enjoys mulling them over while he has tea in the mornings. His friend's nights have been more unsettled, though. He has heard him tossing and turning, the sounds rousing him from his own sleep even as soft as they are, but he has not mentioned it. Cyno would, in his own time, bring it up himself if he wished to.

This night is different. This night, Tighnari is startled awake by the sound of hoarse yelling, far enough away that no normal ears would have been bothered by it while deeply asleep but sounding like thunder to his own. He props himself up on his elbow and frowns in the direction of the sound, then finally sighs and slips out of bed. Wrapped up in a warm, soft robe he pads to the door of the room Cyno has been using and hesitates, just for a moment, before he lifts his hand and raps gently on the door with his knuckles.]

Cyno..? [His voice is soft, his head close to the door and one ear slightly turned against it.] Are you all right?

[cashewlater]

[ cyno is usually quite perceptive, quite aware of his surroundings, but his blood is pounding in his ears, and he's so distracted that he does not note tighnari's approaching footsteps, does not know he's there until his knuckles rap on the door. he hates how the sound startles him, how it shoots a shiver down his spine, how he reaches reflexively for the polearm that isn't there.

it's fine. it's tighnari. it's fine. it was only a dream. it's fine.

cyno sits up, the sheets damp with sweat, pooling around his hips as he runs both hands over his face, callused fingers trembling. that something so intangible as a dream could cut him so deeply has him shaken. dreams can't hurt him. dreams pose no threat. so why does his stomach feel tight with panic? ]

Yes, I'm.. yes.

[ his voice sounds raw in his own ears. cyno takes a deep breath, exhales slowly, deliberately, attempting to bring himself down, to find calm, but those vivid images swim in his mind's eye. he can still hear their voices condemning him. ]

You can come in.

[forestwatcher]

['You can come in.'

Words he was waiting for, as difficult as it would have been to turn around and leave had they not been spoken. Tighnari pushes the door open and enters, his hair and fur in faint disarray from sleep and a pillow crease still evident on his cheek, but he crosses the room without hesitation and sits down on the edge of Cyno's bed with his eyes full of concern.]

I heard you shouting.

[Obviously. Cyno could never fool his ears, and certainly not when they're in the same house. He reaches out to curl one hand around the back of the other man's knuckles and gives his fingers a gentle squeeze.

No guesses needed for what all the noise had been about.]

Bad dreams?

[cashewlater]

[ shouting.. he was shouting? he was. that's why his throat feels raw, his voice rough as crushed gravel. ]

Yeah.

[ there's no reason to deny it - cyno isn't too proud to admit it, and besides, tighnari would see through a fib in an instant. cyno's not in the habit of telling lies, even little white ones. tighnari's fingers close over the back of his dry, cracked knuckles, and cyno nearly flinches away reflexively, his hand still quaking beneath his friend's touch.

it's not often that cyno feels shame, but.. he's certainly feeling something like it, right now. he trusts tighnari completely, fully, even at a time like this, but he simply does not wear vulnerability well. cyno's eyes flick toward tighnari, shadows flitting behind them, his hand beneath tighnari's turning almost of its own volition, weaving their fingers together. ]

Sorry for waking you. I'll be all right. I just.. need a moment.

[ a moment to swallow his pounding heart back down to where it should be, a moment to breathe, to wipe the sweat from his brow. ]

[forestwatcher]

[He's not ignorant of the kinds of things Cyno has done. The kinds of things he must do to follow his creed. Tighnari has always understood even if he has not always agreed, and he takes no pleasure now in knowing that his friend's relentless pursuit of his goals now comes to plague him.

Cyno flinches under his touch and he does not take it to heart, nor does he pull his hand away. He allows the lacing of their fingers with a warm smile and squeezes Cyno's hand again in reassurance.]

All right.

[The young man sits quietly, his tail curled on the bed and the tip of it lightly flicking back and forth. He cups his free hand over the top of the other man's and rubs his thumb slowly against the chapped skin, just waiting in comfortable silence for Cyno to feel ready to speak again.]

[cashewlater]

[ sitting with tighnari, just silently being with him is a great comfort. it can't entirely chase away the sound of the voices ringing in his ears, or the thick scent of blood in his memory, the sensation of it sloshing and sticking beneath his feet.

cyno leans back against the headboard, his bare, sweat-slicked chest rising and falling - quickly at first, but then more steadily as he comes down, as his nerves begin to settle, and all the while his hand remains bound with tighnari's, his callused palm clammy. tighnari's fingers feel warm. gentle. grounding. cyno closes his eyes, and leans his head back. ]

I remember.. before I was General, when I was still a Matra, the first time I took a life.

[ it feels so long ago now. he'd been young, barely fifteen. cyno's fingers squeeze tighnari's gently. ]

It was just like this.

[forestwatcher]

[In all the years they have known one another he has never seen Cyno so deeply shaken. It's all he can do not to fuss, not to speak, to just sit there holding on to his hand while he works through his distress and levels his breathing. The other man leans back and Tighnari scoots himself a little more onto the bed, curling his legs up underneath himself and tucking his tail into his lap.]

It's never easy.

[He murmurs, understanding.

His long ears twitch, as if he's resisting an instinctive urge to fold them back against his head. Instead he looks down at their joined hands, where his thumb is still gently caressing over Cyno's knuckles, and he shakes his head. Tighnari is not without blood on his own hands. He would do anything to protect his beloved forest and those who live within it.]

Do you want to tell me about it?

[cashewlater]

It.. got easier.

[ he's not ashamed of that. it's his job, and cyno takes it incredibly seriously. he does not take life unless it is absolutely necessarily, and he has absolutely no regrets. still, the weight of it all can pull heavy, sometimes, and their voices now haunt him in his dreams. tighnari pulls a little closer on the bed, and cyno's weight soon sags against him, his carmine eyes flicking open to look into tighnari's face again. just the sight of him is soothing. ]

The dream? It.. didn't make much sense. There was blood.

[ so much blood. old blood, rank and reeking, sticking to his skin. ]

And voices.. screaming. Angry. I recognized them all.

[ cyno's eyelids drop low, his throat bobbing as he swallows, his rough thumb smoothing along the inside of tighnari's wrist. ]

[forestwatcher]

[Cyno has always been so dedicated and Tighnari has not been ignorant of the weight of his friend's position... nor the toll it takes on him. He moves closer, Cyno leans into him, and he doesn't hesitate in freeing one hand so he can wrap his arm around the other man's shoulders. Despite the chilly weather outside the treehouse is cosy, Cyno's skin is warm, and the fabric of Tighnari's robe is soft against it.]

Hey...

[He won't say 'it's going to be okay'. He wouldn't insult his friend with platitudes even if that was his way of doing things. Tighnari squeezes Cyno in against his side and turns his head to prop his chin against the top of his pale hair, finally giving in and letting his ears swing back and down.]

Dreams can be more shocking than reality. That's something I've learned. [His voice is a low, humming murmur.] No one knows how best to probe our weaknesses better than ourselves.

[cashewlater]

[ for all that it took to bring them to this.. it's a nice moment.

tighnari wraps around him like a warm blanket, and cyno does not hesitate to surrender all but immediately, sinking into tighnari's warmth, breathing in the soothing, floral scent of his skin and fur. cyno's arms coil around tighnari's middle, holding close, his head dropping heavy onto his shoulder. he doesn't think too hard about just why it is so easy to be this near to someone else, nor does he stop to consider how rare a thing this is. being close with tighnari has been easy for years, cyno falls into it without hesitation. ]

I'm beginning to learn that.

[ he can hardly remember the dreams he had when he was young, but they were certainly not like this, not so jarring, not so violent, not so harrowing. cyno exhales against tighnari's collar, immensely grateful, in this moment, to have him here. how fortunate he is to be afforded this privilege. ]

Would you tell me what you dream about?

[forestwatcher]

[It is nice.

Cyno has long been a trusted friend of Tighnari's. Someone he doesn't mind having close, experiencing his more tactile side and how easily he will welcome contact from people he likes. He settles in against the headboard, tucks Cyno in against his side, and digs his fingertips gently down into his hair to softly scratch at his scalp in slow, easy circles.]

This and that. I usually don't remember very much. [The occasional jarring one still lingers when he wakes but mostly it's vague details and impressions. Tighnari rests his cheek against the top of the other man's head.]

Last night, I dreamed that I was a fox.

[Not a wholly unusual thing to dream about, given that Tighnari's favoured form when he shapeshifts as a Familiar is a large, green, nine-tailed kitsune.] And I was exploring the forest, all of the different sounds and smells... When I woke up I almost forgot I was human, for a moment.

[cashewlater]

[ for cyno, tighnari is the only person he is comfortable enough to unwind around, to allow to see his tender, vulnerable underbelly. cyno has (had) his mentor, his fellow matra with whom he has camaraderie, and he is growing ever closer with collei, but tighnari is and has ever been his only real friend. the person he trusts most in all the world. the person he can open to, and touch, and hold close to.

that is slowly changing, as cyno begins to slowly but surely open his heart to others, but none of them can compare with tighnari. ]

That sounds good.

[ tighnari's fingers tangle into cyno's hair, the roots still damp with sweat, and the scratch of his nails feels absolutely exquisite. a low, gravelly growl rolls deep in cyno's throat, rumbling against tighnari's shoulder, his body falling slack, all remaining tension melting away. ]

Perhaps if I think on it enough, I can dream of being a wolf.

[ like as not it would feel as natural as breathing, for all cyno is a wild, feral thing beneath his stoic exterior, a creature of instinct, a loyal, mournful, territorial predator. ]

[forestwatcher]

[He has to chuckle at that little growl, the way that Cyno suddenly falls lax against him, and he continues those gentle scratching circles as the other man continues to speak. Being able to be close to him like this is a blessing and one that he knows very few people are granted. Tighnari is not going to waste a moment of the soft intimacy that Cyno allows them to have together.]

A wolf? Mm... that does sound like you.

[Though he doesn't have much experience in dreams or their guidance, it's something that he expects he will be able to study. Perhaps a venture to the Kuma Lisa academy would be in order for such a thing, or... perhaps Baba Yaga? He doesn't relish the prospect of the latter, but he had been meaning to go there anyway...]

You seem calmer now. [The young man murmurs then, sliding his thumb idly back and forth behind Cyno's ear.] Do you want me to stay here with you?

[cashewlater]

[ lupus aureus is his constellation, after all, and the spirit of the wolf dwells within him, sunk deep into his bones and flesh. cyno has always felt a draw to wolves, a kinship with them. to wear the fur of a wolf, even only in dreams, sounds quite appealing.

more appealing at the moment, however, is tighnari's nearness, the soothing pull of fingers through his hair, gentle, appeasing. eyes closed, body still, he leans his weight into tighnari's, the slope of his shoulders easing. tighnari makes it so very easy for cyno to feel safe, and secure, a feeling that cyno does not often experience, given his line of work. though images of his nightmare still flash behind his eyes, it all feels much further away now. ]

You don't need to feel obligated to.

[ he starts, murmuring at the gentle slide of tighnari's thumb behind his ear, quieting him. ]

But.. I'd like it if you did.

[forestwatcher]

Then I will.

[It isn't as if he'd sleep easily if he left, knowing he had abandoned Cyno to the demons in his mind. Tighnari shifts, nudging the other man away from him for a moment so he can wiggle out of his robe. Under the plush fabric he's wearing a pair of soft linen pyjama pants, and with no shyness about his bare chest he snags the blankets to pull them over the two of them and settles down again, pulling Cyno in close.

The room is only very dimly lit by the moon and a few lights outside and it's easy to sink into comfortable sleepiness again now he knows that the other man is less distressed.

What a wonderful thing it is to be able to be this person for Cyno. The one he trusts above all others, the one he can be vulnerable with... Tighnari knows how lucky he is.]

Are you comfortable, Cyno..?

[cashewlater]

[ he'd known that's what tighnari would say, and a part of cyno can't help but feel a little guilty for waking him, dragging him out of bed to be here, but.. they're close, and he would do the same for tighnari in a heartbeat, if he was needed. so he pushes that thought away.

fabric whispers as tighnari removes his robe and settles down into the blanket, cyno pulling away for the brief moment it takes his friend to get comfortable before tighnari is tugging him back in again. cyno goes willingly, easily, his body sinking against tighnari's. similarly, he wears only a light pair of sleeping shorts, but that's no real surprise, cyno's normal clothing is scant to begin with. still, it means that there is plenty of skin-to-skin contact when cyno lays against him, pressed to tighnari's side with his head nestled into the crook of tighnari's shoulder.

he smells good, the scent of his skin and fur so warm and familiar. ]

Mmhmm..

[ cyno hums, the sound like a soft purr in his throat, and presses his face into tighnari's throat. ]

I'm glad to be able to see so much of you.

[ if there's one good thing about being in this place.. it's that he has so much time to spend with tighnari. ]

[forestwatcher]

[The young botanist, strong minded as he is, could hardly be persuaded to stay somewhere that he didn't want to be. It had been care and concern for his friend that had drawn him to Cyno's door and it is that same concern that keeps him here tucked warmly together with him under the cosy blankets.

He shifts his tail to the opposite side of where Cyno is and tucks it down beside his thigh, but the soft sound of it gently thudding against the mattress can be heard quite clearly.]

Mm... I'm glad too. We didn't even see this much of each other when we were at the Akademiya.

[Both busy even then. Granted Cyno had kept a very close eye on him for a time, but that hardly counted.] ... You know, I missed you after you disappeared. I'm used to not knowing where you are, but it felt different.

[cashewlater]

[ the gentle thumping of tighnari's tail is enough to bring a mild smile to cyno's face, his mouth curving against the skin of his best friend's neck. ]

No, we didn't.

[ and they'd still seen quite a lot of each other, then, even if much of their time together was spent reading, studying, working on papers, for even as a matra, cyno continued to learn. he still does, though studying in the house of daena isn't quite the same without tighnari sitting quietly beside him.

at tighnari's admittance, cyno lifts his head, resting it on the pillow beside tighnari, their faces close. it's dim, but he can still see the moonlight shining off of tighnari's eyes. ]

I know. I'm sorry. It all worked out for the best, but I missed seeing you. Even if you would have just fussed over the state of my hands.

[forestwatcher]

[Back then he had appreciated Cyno's quiet intelligence. His unintrusive manner. How he never expected anything of Tighnari in the way that other researchers often did. It was no surprise to him when they became friends, though he could never have expected the depth of the friendship.

Sometimes he does miss those old days when they would sit across from one another in the House of Daena, silent and deep in their studies. A time in his life that Tighnari simply can't go back to no matter how many times Akademiya representatives turn up to bay at his door.

He took many valuable things from his time there but few things are more valuable to him than this friendship.]

Yes, yes... [Tighnari would have done that. He shifts when Cyno does, turning onto his side and setting his head down on the pillow. His tail is still softly thudding against the mattress.] I understand why you had to do it, and why you couldn't tell me what was happening. [Cyno's hair looks like moonlight. He draws a lock of it forwards and plays with it.]

It would have been a conflict of interest for me to know, on so many different levels. I don't blame you.

[cashewlater]

[ cyno had felt much the same, when first they met, and fell in together. having someone to simply sit quietly with was incredibly good, and though cyno had long since come to terms with the idea that people feared and avoided him, it nevertheless felt.. nice, to have someone not draw away from his every step, to have someone like and accept him simply for the person he is.

yet even tighnari leaving the akademiya had not changed them. they saw one another less, surely, but their time spent together was still just as sweet, just as good, just as close. distance did not damage them, and in time, they only grew closer still. ]

Mm. You know I trust you. Things were.. complicated.

[ cyno's arm slips over tighnari's side, languidly holding to him, his fingertips idly brushing against the base of his tail. ]

But it's resolved, now. For what little that means, in this place.

[forestwatcher]

I know that you trust me.

[And Tighnari trusts him in turn. A valued friendship to be sure and one that he is sure few outside of it truly understand. How bold he must seem to any observer, teasing and prodding at the General Mahamatra the way he does, never showing a hint of fear towards him. There had never been a reason for him to feel fear when it came to Cyno - he had never done anything wrong, and the reputation of the General Mahamatra when it came to academic misconduct was so often overstated.

Very few Akademiya scholars would ever conduct research of the kind that would draw his attention.

Cyno touches so close to his tail and he sighs, a contented little rumble buzzing in the back of his throat. He bunts their foreheads together fondly and smiles over at his friend in the darkness.]

Go back to sleep. You can hold on to my tail if you want to.

[Tighnari often did it when he was younger, and sometimes even now. It's very comforting.]

[cashewlater]

[ tighnari's observation is spot-on. though cyno occasionally investigates students - as in tighnari's case - it's quite a rare occurrence. cyno goes after the big fish, and leaves the small stuff to his fellow matra. yet his vicious reputation precedes him nonetheless, and likely it always shall, but cyno is content. he has tighnari, and collei. they're all he needs.

and tighnari's smile is all he needs to remind him of that. the sight of it alone makes his heart burgeon with warmth. ]

Mmm. I suppose I should.

[ sleep, that is, but he'll take advantage of tighnari's offer, as well. cyno's fingers drop lower, gently tugging tighnari's tail over his hip so he can sink his rough, callused fingers into all of that dense green fur. it's so warm, so soft.. cyno hums his pleasure, and closes his eyes. ]

Thank you, 'Nari. Goodnight.

[forestwatcher]

[Though he has to shift a little to put himself in a more comfortable position if Cyno is going to hold on to him like that, he doesn't mind it at all. That the offer is accepted makes his heart warm.

And it makes him happy, too, that the other man feels safe enough now to return to sleep when his nightmares had been so terrible.

With fingers buried into the fur of his tail and his whole body pressed warm and sure to the length of Cyno's he sighs again, content, and briefly cups the side of Cyno's face. His thumb brushes over the desert-dweller's cheekbone, then he settles himself down to rest as well and closes his eyes. It's likely he won't sleep with his friend so close by, kept awake by every single little noise he makes, but it's fine. Tighnari doesn't mind.]

Sleep well, Cy.

[cashewlater]

[ and he does sleep well indeed.

pressed close to tighnari, cyno falls into a deep sleep, and the nightmares do not again touch him. his dreams are strange, disjointed, but warm - memories of avidya forest, of tighnari and collei - and they wrap him like a soft blanket. he doesn't wake again, not until the morning sun streams through his window to strike his closed eyelids.

cyno stirs, shifting, murmuring something low and soft and nonsensical. his arms are wound around tighnari's middle, cyno's face pressed into his throat, and everything feels warm and perfect. he inhales, catching the familiar floral scent of his friend's skin, and opens his eyes. golden sunlight fills the cozy little room, flooding the space, streaking across the bed, and everything feels perfectly good and still. their legs are tangled, their bodies close, and slowly the previous night's memories crawl back into his mind. right. he'd had a nightmare. bloody hands, ripping and pulling..

but there's no place for that, now, not in this warm atmosphere, with tighnari pressed so close to him. cyno inhales his scent, his fingers still buried in tighnari's tail, stroking gently. ]